good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
