im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
