I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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