Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
