id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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