The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
