your parents love me but you hate me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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