So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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