I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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