May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
