maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
