We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize