Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Randomize
