I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
