now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
