i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
