No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
