why didn't you poke me back
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
