No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
