just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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