So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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