I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
