She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
