I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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