I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
