I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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