you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
