They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
