I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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