I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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