i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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