So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
