Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
