We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
