So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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