I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
