So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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