and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
