i don't like sucking hair
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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