how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
