I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
