Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
