I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
