oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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