in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
