Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
