your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
