She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
