I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
bring money and cleavage
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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