we have officially lost it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize