So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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