can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He better not be in your backpack
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
