She's JV to your varsity
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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