Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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