There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
