Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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