you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
