Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
