I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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