porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize