Your tits are I can't wait for
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
