you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
