i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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