I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
