Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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