I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
