I'm going to jail i love you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
